Walking The Beaton Path

Sledding vs Sledding

2011-12-31T23:32:00.000-08:00

It's funny how life changes.

Brad and I both watched as folks unloaded their snowmobiles up the mountain, tightened their helmets and rode off with loud braaappps looking for adventure.

We commented on how sled technology has changed since our riding days and stood looking at the hillside, mentally plotting a route up the slope.

Until the sound of the kids clamoring for their next turn pulled us back into the present and we slid down the hill until their cheeks were pink and toes frozen.

Sometimes a feel a twinge of longing for the old days. For the risk and adventure. Longing to slip on my harness and hang from a cliff. To feel the burn of adrenaline pumping in my chest. To push and then push some more.

But then I think this, this is the real adventure after all!

Busy with...

2011-12-14T19:06:00.000-08:00

Errmm...ummm...hmmm, haven't been here in a while.

I've been busy.

Busy with work

Busy with the farm

Busy with homeschooling

Busy with homemaking

Busy with wife-being

Busy with a crazed, nailpolishing, wash the floor with pee, paint the wall with poop (daily), clothing cutting, if you give that child food colouring again I will be filled with homicidal rage, trantruming, face slapping, why is Mommy clutching that bottle of wine in the corner, toddler.

I'm not sure if the highlight was:

A - when he locked us both in his room on a Sunday morning when Brad and Caley were out of town (a Sunday morning I was scheduled to speak in the service of course).
Although I did discover that you can't remove the pins from a door using the metal plug-in of a night light. Also, his room is very childproof lacking any object that is long, thin and pointy. Also, I am much to old to be climbing out windows before 7am in the morning. (and for the record, I don't like to do anything before 7am.)

or

B - When I felt a distinctive squish beneath my foot while walking to his dresser and discovered that I had stepped in a piece of poop that was left over from his almost nightly episodes of using his bodily waste like play dough.

so, yeah...I've been ...busy.

I wish I'd had a Camera..

2011-10-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

.. today when Caley asked "but how does the boy part get to the egg to make a baby?"

and I replied "well the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina and it comes out of his penis."

the look on her face...oh my...

"that's ridiculous!" she blurted.

I have to admit, she's right.

Commence Drinking

2011-09-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

In a fit of organization last week I decided that my hard drive needing cleaning up, mostly because that seemed easier than tackling the filthy mudroom.

My computer had been running slower lately and the C drive was almost full. So I set about burning DVDs of photographs. I am very nervous about anything happening to our photos so I always burn 2 sets, one to stay here and one to send off to my parents house. I figure the odds of both houses burning down at the same time are pretty slim. I double checked that the discs had recorded properly before deleting the files off my computer.

Great right?

I'm sure you can imagine my horror when I realized just tonight that the files I had copied to one of the discs were not the ones I meant too. The ones I had deleted. Gone, gone and gone. Six months of my children's lives gone!

Now a practical person (*cough* husband) might point out that my children are in fact alive and not dead and might just suggest that I need to calm the heck down.

Rubbish I say!

I need those pictures to gaze longingly at in the evening when my 2 year old is being a terror. I need to remember how cute he was at 6 months old with his bald head and T-Rex thighs.
In my sleep deprived state there is no hope I'm going to remember without visual aids.

Plus, I need them to show all his future girlfriends.

Know what else I discovered? Those automatic updates that my computer does to a remote hard drive? Doesn't include the folder my pictures are stored in. (bang head on desk - hard)

I was just about to commence weeping and massive wine consumption when I remembered that I once, years ago copied some files onto my computer at work ...and .....and..yes! there were the missing folders.

Therefore I vow, from this day forth, to never delete another picture again. Ever. Ever. Ever. It's too hard on my system. I will own the largest hard drive imaginable if necessary. People will point and laugh. I do not care I will. not. delete.

Will. Not. Delete.

But I think I still need that wine.

THE BIG PLAN! (Dun dun dunnnn)

2011-09-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Heading into our second year of homeschooling is very different than the first. Then I was anxious, unsure of what home educating looked like on a day to day basis. I scoured blogs for specifics. How long should a 5 year old be spending on math each day? Do they need a recess break? Does her love of super messy crafts count as meeting the fine arts requirement? Do I really need to chart her daily physical activity and ensure it adds up to 30 minutes? Am I going to miss something important and mess her up for life? Am I crazy to think that we can homeschool when I work part-time?

I knew that we didn't want to be doing "school at home" but I didn't know how to apply my views on education to actual daily life.

We muddled through, found our groove and so far I don't think she's any more neurotic than any other newly 6 year old.

Last September I had A PLAN. Each school day was planned out with which subjects would be covered and how *snort*. For a while I actually thought I could be that mother. The one who follows a strict daily schedule (up with the birds for rigorous exercise and Bible study, followed by a fresh cooked breakfast on the table by 7am - with a smile!?) and who's children follow along compliantly and then "rise up and call her blessed." *double snort*

So not me. By mid October the plan was languishing in a binder somewhere and we were just rolling with it. If Caley was interested in a social studies topic, we dropped science for a while. If she developed in interest is something totally off topic, we explored it. If the toddler was having a hellish day and nothing was going right? We stopped trying entirely. And you know what? It almost all got covered. Sure, she didn't learn to play the recorder and a few other things that were on THE PLAN. But that's okay.

This year's plan is much looser and I know that we won't get to it all this year either. I'm also more confident this year when it comes to the BC Provincial Learning Outcomes (PLOs). Technically we are supposed to meet each and every one of the 100s of obscurely written, classroom geared outcomes. A fact which caused me some stress last year. I've been straight up with our support teacher this year and told him that some topics we are just not going to cover Some PLOs won't be met. It helps knowing that the government is set to scrap the PLO system
entirely in the next 3 years.

This year it's more about goals for Caley than material covered. What skills I'd like her to have gained or worked on before beginning grade 2. Myself, I am going to try to work on getting up with a smile in the morning..*small snort*

So here is Intended Course of Action for 2011/2012 for a certain Miss Caley Joel, Princess and Frog Catcher Extraordinaire as presented to her loyal subject (aka support teacher) keeper of the sacred PO#.

P.E.
Goal – Caley will build self confidence in doing physical activities. To be confident enough to pick her feet up off the bottom of pool at swimming lessons and swim a few strokes. Learn to ride her bigger bike and skate short distances unassisted.

Materials and activities:
- Ballet lessons
- skating
- swimming lessons

Math:
Goals – Caley will be able to count to 100 by 1’s, 10’s and 5’s without prompting.
- Caley will learn to count by 2’s to 20.
- Caley will gain mastery in single digit addition and subtraction.
- Caley will learn double digit addition.
- Caley will learn to tell time.
- Caley will learn about place value

Materials and activities:
- Spectrum Math Grade 1
- Spectrum Math Grade 1 – Little Critter
- Dot-to-dot book
-My Path to Math – Place Value
- Sir Cumference stories

English:

Goals – Caley will continue to build reading skills. She will be able to read easy leveled readers independently.
- Caley will continue to learn phonetic rules through worksheets.
-Caley will begin to learn to spell and write independently.
- Caley will be exposed to a variety of books with rich vocabulary, and differing styles, fables, poetry etc.
- Caley will begin to learn grammar and proper use of words

Materials and activities:
- The Complete Book of Reading (Grades 1-2)
- Spectrum Reading (Grade 1) – continued from last year
- Spectrum Spelling (Grade 1)
- Various reading books, poetry, fables, myths etc.
- First Language lessons for the Well-Trained Mind

Science:
Goals - Caley will learn about forces though books and experiments.
- Caley will learn about the scientific process, experimentation and recording results.
- Caley will learn to identify living and non living things, to state what makes something living and what living things require.
- Caley will learn about different habitats.
- Caley will learn about how the earth’s position and motion relative to the sun result in daily and seasonal changes. She will identify the differences between the seasons and night and day.
- Caley will learn about the salmon’s life cycle and identify which season thing happen in.

Materials and Activities:

Forces and Motion, Magnets:
- Motion – How Moving Objects Interact
- Forces and Motion – Book, guide and student journal
- Move It! – Motion, forces and you
- Gravity is a Mystery
- Hands on Science – Forces and Motion
- Forces Make Things Move
- Energy Makes Things Happen
- Usborne – Science with Magnets
- All Aboard Science Reader – Magnets
- Magic School Bus Chapter Book – Amazing Magnetism
- What Makes a Magnet?
- Teacher Created Resources – Magnets

Living Things:
- Growth and Change in Plants
- Pebble Books – Living and Nonliving
- Pebble Books – Natural and Human-made
- How do living things find food?
- What’s Alive?
- Who Eats What?
- Living Things
- Plants in Different Habitats
- Animal Habitats
- Animal Habitats – Make and Learn Projects

Daily and Seasonal Changes:
- I Wonder Why The Sun Rises
- Discover the Seasons
- The Sun our Nearest Star
- What Makes Day and Night
- Sunshine Makes the Seasons
- Earth’s Seasons and Cycles
- Ocean Seasons
- Books on Salmon life cycle

Social Studies:
Goals- Caley learn about and recognize the continents.
- Caley will learn about Canada. The symbols, the national anthem and will be able to point to where we live on a map.
- Caley will learn the four cardinal directions and how the grid system works on a map.
- Caley will learn about money. The purpose of monetary systems, how money is made, and what Canadian money looks like. Caley will learn about responsible use of money, saving, tithing etc
- Caley will begin learning the history of the world beginning with creation/coalescence, and working through dinosaurs, the patriarchs, to the Romans. (This will probably take to the end of the summer)

Materials and Activities:

- My First Map Book – Last 10 pages
- Scholastic Success with Maps

Canada:
- Canada My Country
- That’s Very Canadian
- All About Canada

Needs vs. Wants:
- Do I Need It? Or Do I Want It?

Money:
- Canadian Money
- Just Saving My Money
- A Bargain for Frances
- Money Around the World
- Berenstain Bears- Trouble with Money
- Bunny Money
- Money – Beginning Math Series
- The ABC’s of Handling Money God’s Way
- Arthur’s Funny Money

Ancient History:
- Various Dinosaur books and materials
- Story of the World – Volume 1
- Story of the World – Volume 1 – Activity Guide
- Usborne – Encyclopedia of World History
- approximately a bazillion other books

Health:
Goal – Caley will learn about the things that contribute to a healthy body and safe environment.
Materials and activities:
- Horizons Health Grade 1

Arts:
Goal - Caley will learn a bit about the different instruments in an orchestra and their sounds. She will listen to music by Bach and learn a bit about his life.
- Caley will continue to learn body movement and positions in ballet lessons
- Caley will work on basic drawing skills.

Bible:
Goal – Caley will continue to learn about God’s character and his plan for us. Scripture memorization will happen through Awana Club. Caley will begin to develop habits of devotions and daily prayer.

Materials and activities:
- Leading Little Ones to God
- Positive Action Bible Curriculum – Enjoying God’s Gifts (1st Grade)
- Awana Club (weekly)
- Sunday School

Phew! What we lack in scheduling we more than make up for in volume of books.

Before and After - Magnetic Paint Edition

2011-09-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

Could also be titled "How Homeschooling Took Over Our House."

2011-08-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

This summer our church decided that instead of doing a week long VBS, they would host weekly field trips for the kids. The theme was "Creation Care" and they went to a managed woodlot, the beach, had a presentation (and live owl) come from the bird rescue society, visited our farm and went horseback riding. For the final week a visit to the hatchery run by the local salmon enhancement society was planned.

As someone who did 2 years of fisheries biology in university before switching majors, I was pretty stoked to tag along.

Waiting for the action to start (when did she start looking so grown up?)

The River was netted and the net reeled in

Then the guys with nets moved in and began gathering up the fish

The fish were then transported by truck to holding pens.

The actual egg-take/sperm harvesting will happen a few days later. Initially I was told that we would be seeing the egg-take. I've helped with one before and I am quite glad that was not the case. Somehow I don't think watching fish get clubbed, cut open and their eggs spilled out (females) and milked for their sperm (males) would leave the same impression with the kids.

We then took a tour around the area and saw all the natural looking enhanced habitat that has been constructed.

There were so many fry in the water, all different types of salmon. Some that had hatched naturally in the streams and some that were fry from previous hatches.

We finished up with a devotional and a snack.

The tour guide mentioned that he had never, in 20 years, had a group of kids who were able to answer all the questions that this group did, to which Linda modestly replied "well, these are homeschooled kids." lol.

What really impressed me was that except for one person, everyone involved in the operation was a volunteer. I think that the Salmon Enhancement Society would be a great thing to get involved with once the kids are a bit older. I would love to do some of the educational stuff with schoolkids and it would a hands on way to teach our kids about stewardship of the environment.

(I think I had way more fun than any of the kids )

Plan B

2011-08-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not big into birth plans. My reasoning is that there are so many combinations of variables and situations that can come into play during a birth, that each is so unique, that trying to script the event is impossible. If (when) things don't go as planned it can be a serious source of stress, even leading to feelings of failure because things "didn't go as planned."

Obviously I didn't make a strict plan for either of my births, thank goodness considering the unforeseen circumstances that came up with both. Turns out, we make huge babies, who like to turn over during labour and plug up my smallish pelvis. I had my mental lists: episiotomy - no, breastfeeding - yes, drugs - we'll see. We had our option A's, but were open to B and C.

Turns out being paper pregnant is following the same trend as my physical ones. We just found out that Option A (Taiwan) is off the table. Our agency was unable to sign a satisfactory agreement with the agency in country. It also turns out that living in BC there aren't really too many other options to explore. Our contact at the agency (JW) really surprised me by suggesting that we apply for the domestic program. This hadn't really occurred to me before, given that we are willing to adopt from out of country and are already parenting two young children. Apparently their que of waiting families is really low at the moment, maybe because of the bad rap the program has for long wait times and nonmatches. But at this stage it would only cost us $3500 more than what we have already paid, (the rest is due at placement) so we are going to go for it.

We are also going to apply for the Florida program. We had seriously considered this last year before deciding to go with Taiwan. Shepherd's Care has a bit of a wait list right now and I'm waiting to hear back how long it will take. Also don't know much about the $$ aspect of it.

Ahh, changing gears. No longer pondering how our language challenged, small town family can learn Mandarin, or wondering how old the child would be, or if we should take the kids with us (actually still pondering this). Now I'm daydreaming about parenting a newborn (why again did I give away all of our newborn stuff?) and trying to figure out how to best write a Dear Birth Mother letter and sell our family in pictures.

I have the feeling the ride is only just beginning.

Excuse for Sleeping at my Desk Tomorrow

2011-08-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

I feel as though I haven't sat down all this BC Day long weekend.

On Saturday we had 40 some odd people in our backyard for a retirement/birthday party for Brad's Dad, Glen. It always amazes me how many days of preparation and how much clean up goes into a 4 hour event.

We were all set for the heat. Ice baths for the salads, Brad made big timber benches for the shady side of the yard, shade tent and umbrella. It was a good thing we had the shade tent up because just as the guests were arriving it began to rain and it rained pretty much all evening. You know you're at a party on the west coast when it is raining and everyone is pretending that it isn't. Just carrying on, standing outside, sans jacket, as though it was a beautiful sunny day.

There were speeches and toasts and cakes.

My father in law is a pretty amazing person. He certainly deserved all the accolades, although he hates being the center of attention. He is very well known on the coast for his work with forestry bridges and he may just be the only truly humble engineer I've ever met. I work with a lot of engineers so I would know:o)

On Sunday we had a 30th birthday party for Brad's brother, Don.

I was up until 3am on Saturday morning putting together salads and prepped all day Saturday for the retirement party. I took a few hours off after the party to visit my Dad who was spending the night and then cleaned up until 1am. Sunday while I was cleaning up from Don's party, Brad meekly admitted that he had invited people over for lunch the next day. I must be getting better at this marriage thing because I didn't even hit him!

Then (there is always a "then") a friend called and asked if I could watch her daughter all day while she worked...shortly after which our social worker phoned asking for copies of paper work which she had lost....ummm, what? We were under the impression that our home study had been submitted weeks ago?????

Then (seriously) while I was trying to get caught up on chores this morning before the lunch company arrived, a group of folks showed up to U-pick blueberries. They also wanted to buy raspberries. The raspberries are in my garden and the patch is at that stage were next years canes are taking over but you have to be careful not to break them off while they attack you. Also, I'm not so keen on letting strange people tramp all over my garden, call me crazy. So I was desperately trying to get raspberries picked and while watching the kids, but not letting them into the berries because 2 of the 3 will eat themselves sick, guaranteed.

We had a nice visit with the folks and thankfully had lots of leftovers to serve them. By the time they left I was done. D.O.N.E. done. So we decided to make the most of the 2 hours that were left of the long weekend.

We quickly packed up the 3 kids and hit the beach.

Then walked over to the nature house

Looped around to the playground.

Before heading home so I could clean the house and be ready to host Bible study by 7:30pm. No body better ask where all the left over chocolate cake and wine got to because I'm not telling.

Shrunk!

2011-07-20T23:44:00.001-07:00

When I was a kid I absolutely loved doing shrinky-dink crafts (except for that one mis-spelled Sunday School mobile. Whatever people, maybe it is the Holy Sprite. I small elf-like person dressed all in white, with Jimmy Neutron hair.) So I was thrilled to find this little shrinky-dink kit in town yesterday and brought it home for the kids to do.

Caley coloured all the little mermaids and sea creatures

Matthew helped carry them to the oven

Where they were magically transformed before our eyes.

Matthew's little mind was blown

Voila

Best of all, they ran off to play with their micro crabs and mermaids leaving me to fold the laundry in peace.

Best $2.00 spent, ever.

Step 1 Done!

2011-07-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we met with our social worker one last time to sign our home study.
We are trusting that God's timing is behind the fact that it took nearly 8 months to complete. I'm also hoping that the few minor changes that didn't get made to it aren't a big deal because I was not about to point them out at that point. Just get it done!

Upward and onward to step 2.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider has Drowned

2011-07-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

Wet Flowers

Wet Berries

Happy Kids

Wet Coast Summer

2011-07-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

What's the best thing to do if you are newly six years in one of the wettest summers ever.

Jump on the trampoline in the pouring rain of course.

Squealing, screaming, and giggling is optional, but increases the enjoyment of the experience (at least I'm assuming from the noise level.)

Pictures taken from inside

Crazy girls.

Scenes from the garden

2011-07-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

Front corner. Plum trees, peacock ravaged broccoli plants, cucumber, celery and garlic (I'm not sure why the garlic has died back already)

Rhubarb plants I swore I was going to dig up this year. Really, how much rhubarb does one family need? Apparently the answer is a lot.

Peas, potatoes and large area with nothing planted because the soil was too wet when I was planting the garden.

Pretty butterfly

Caley and her friend

The kid's garden. 90 sunflowers around the outside, pumpkin, peas, beans and chives inside.

Crazy rose bush

New sandbox we just finished at the back end of the garden and the peach tree.

The raspberries are almost ripe.

Brussel sprouts and lettuce

Not pictured: tomato and squash beds and beds where carrots and parsnips were planted that never came up which I'm trying to ignore, because - gah, frustration.

Walkway down to the garden

364 (part2)

2011-07-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

My children have a terrific father 365 days a year and I try to teach them to honour him every day (it's much easier to teach a lesson I myself am struggling to learn. We won't talk about who is doing better at it either).

It really started me to thinking about fathers and fathering.

Because Brad is away to often for work, the kids and I spend a lot of time just us. I certainly am not fathering them during those times, although I've heard single women remark that they are both Mom and Dad to their kids.

In our family Dads are for pushing the baby way too high on the swing and somehow never seeing or caring how dirty the kids are. Dads have the kind of confidence in their offspring that allows them to teach a 5 year old to both drive and shoot a gun (while Mother increases time spent in prayer). Going to town with Mom is a chore, with Dad it's an adventure. Dad believes ice-cream is a great dinner option because of all the calcium in dairy.

Dad's are for modeling, however imperfectly, the love that God the Father has for his children.

and then I can't help but think of all the fatherless children and I am just beginning to understand what a great lack that is.

I'll be honest, my husband is terrific, but his heart is not for the fatherless. I feel disloyal saying that but if he was crushed to think of our kids spending one day without their earthly father where they needed him to be when they are so blessed by him so many other times, perhaps he's not so far away from there as I thought.

Sometimes I'm so deeply disappointed and frustrated with him (as I'm sure he is with me at times) for his ability to completely disregard anyone outside of his sphere of contact. Poverty plays an important role in population control, he believes...ugh.

And yet, he is this amazing Dad to the two children we are parenting and it all seems so close and so far away at the same time.

So I pray each day for God to touch his heart, to change him, to open his ears to the cry of the fatherless...because when it happens and he is able to show that kind of love to others..well I just can't wait to see what will happen then.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.."

I can't believe it took me so much rambling work out that thought...phew.

364 days

2011-07-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

In our small rural Mennonite church most of the heads are grey and eyes bespectacled. Solid, German Mennonite farm folk who's steps are a little less sure now. These are a steady folk, generally unexcitable, who regard me and my...*ahem* ..."passionate" personality with small smiles of indulgence because I'm one of their own. Maybe by marriage, maybe just because I've stuck around so long, but still, accepted.

When I think of the term "salt of the earth", these are the faces that come to mind. Between them they have lived through wars, fled certain murder at the hands of armies, watched as those they left behind fell in droves to famine, lost loved ones, and faced the daily toil of life. Their worship is quiet, reflective.....faithful.

On a few occasion however, by general consensus, quiet steadiness is put away for some good old fashioned fun.

Our church does Father's Day, and we do it well. Mountains of homemade goodies, games and music. The whole afternoon dedicated to celebrating our earthly father's. It's the official kick off to summer.

Father's Day 2010

So it was with great consternation that Brad realized that the road shutdown dates he had finally wrangled between three different users (and already advertised) were for that particular weekend.

"Well, no wonder the loggers agreed." He said, sounding a bit bewildered.

A three day bridge repair, starting on Saturday, 4.5 hours from home.

He said he'd make it.

Somehow, Brad insisted, he would be at that picnic on Sunday afternoon.

?????

umm..okay Dear?

I don't know if it was the thought of all those baked goodies or picturing Caley trying to do the wheelbarrow race without him as the legs of the barrow, but I had a really hard time convincing him that we would much, much rather he not kill himself on some Northern stretch of highway rushing home, or push himself so hard on the job that he fall right off the bridge deck. (He has come close to that one before)

It's just a day after all.

Just one day.

The kids and I would be okay if he was away for this one day.

We had 364 other days to make up for it.

(It's late, this thought will have to wait till tomorrow)

Jump it out.

2011-06-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

It's the little glamorous moments, that keep Mothering interesting.

Move over Vana White

2011-06-25T22:54:00.001-07:00

My adorable assistants at the Farmer's Markets this week.

Tara, Tyler and Caley

These three girls are the best of friends and will proudly announce to any and everyone, "she's my cousin."

I hope someday they realize the gift that they have in each other, the blessing of friendship.

Sharks, Jellyfish and whales...Oh My.

2011-06-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

When a specialist appointment in Vancouver this week necessitated that I actually leave my beloved island (yikes), we decided to take the kids along and visit the aquarium on our way out of town.

Waiting for the dolphin show

The dolphin show was a-mazing! Unbelievable how agile and powerful they are.

Matthew's favorite part of the day was getting his own cone of strange whipped, not even cold product that was sold as ice-cream. (Seriously, I have no idea what that was and I'm trying not to think about how much petroleum we may have ingested.)

Caley watching the Beluga Whales

The Beluga Show

We got the kids up at 4:30am to leave the house by 5am. We got to the ferry to head back to the island at 3:45pm and didn't get onto the ferry until 7:45pm. ugggh. Not sure why the boats were so busy. Hockey fans heading back maybe? Matthew didn't sleep a wink all day until he crashed in the truck at 9pm. He just powered through all day.

Boy was I happy to see our farm when we pulled in at 11:15pm. Going to the city once every 3 years is often enough for a homebody hick like me!

The Lump in my Stomach

2011-06-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

It's taken me a few days to unravel and figure out this knoted-ness in my stomach.

Then I look at this picture again, and WHAMO, it's back, like releasing a stretched out slinky.

On Saturday we went to a 6th birthday party at the beach for G, whom we have known since he was born, a month before Caley. They have grown up (ish) having playdates and barbeques together, running amuck while the adult people converse in sentences with more than 3 words and eat food that is actually (hopefully) still hot.

This year G started full day kindergarten in a K/1 split. This year was the first year that he had a "friend" party, inviting about 10 children from his class.

This is the first time the big "difference" has shown itself.

This was the expression on Caley's face for most of the party.

Bewilderment...

Why were those children all running around, repeating what the last one had said, only louder? Over and over, until they were all chanting something nonsensical, seemingly without realized that it was nonsense at all.

What was the structure of this play? Once or twice she tried to join in, but it was like it was a dance and she couldn't discern the rhythm. Quickly she returned to observing.

At one point I heard her correct them under her breath "they're not "buggy-dudes" (the phrase being chanted in a manner reminiscent of Lord of the Flies), they are insects." Said quietly, to herself before returning to patting the sand around her feet.

And my heart hurt for her.

She didn't fit.

And it hurt me to see.

And I felt guilt! Waves of nasty, nasty guilt that soaked in and settled in the pit of my stomach.

I did this!

My baby didn't fit...and she knew it, she felt it.

This decision to home educate has made her a square peg in a world where she will encounter many, many round holes.

And from here on out, it is only going to get more apparent, more obvious.

(cue guilt, and a slight feeling of panicky self doubt)

We all want our kids to be loved and accepted by others; for the world to see them as we do.

As I was watching this play out, a burst of loud laughter drew my attention to a group of Moms who were sitting a few feet away, drinking beer. Laughingly they were discussing how annoying it was when their husbands got drunk and suggested a three-way with one of their friends. .(blink....wha?)

Now quite likely the conversation started out on a different topic and maybe drinking is a common activity at a sixth birthday and I just wasn't aware of it. But I realized that I don't fit either. The kids aren't the only ones being shaped by this conscious decision to live a life apart of our "Babylon" culture.

Then, something about the way the setting sun was shining through the clouds caught Caley's imagination and she turned her face to the sky, threw out her arms and began to twirl. Barefoot in the sand with total abandon. The picture of innocent joy in the world.

And I was suddenly okay with it....

I'm okay with it because I know the One who is molding her.

And He is doing a pretty amazing job.

(Okay with it until those 1am moments where I lie awake in bed and come to the conclusion that I'm irrevocably screwing up my kids that is)

(Disclaimer: Caley has many friends, most of whom are also homeschooled, of various ages, with whom she most definitely "fits".)

Overwhelmed

2011-06-04T10:07:00.001-07:00

The title says it.

Now One of the Girl-Child

2011-05-27T12:40:00.001-07:00

My New Favorite Picture

2011-05-23T22:06:00.001-07:00

Blank canvas

2011-05-08T20:52:00.001-07:00

This is what the garden looked like last week after my handy, handsome man rototilled it all up for me. (with plenty of poultry compost worked in of course)

A blank canvass. I have wasted far too much time since then staring out the bathroom window, planning bed placement and crop rotation. Imagining this growing here and that growing there. (weeds don't grow at all in my daydreams)
Why through the window? Because even though the calendar is creeping towards June, the cold and rain have yet to let up here on the Wet Coast. It's enough to start a girl dreaming of greenhouses and cold frames. Last year the garden was well started when a mid-June frost killed off all the tender plants. Mid-June!!! Seriously, if anyone had mentioned global warming to me that week, I would have hit them. Maybe with a dead tomato plant.

Anyhow, one of the things that requires planning is how to incorporate a kid's area into the garden. Last year I devoted the front section of the garden to Caley. She wanted to grow peas and beans and carrots and sunflowers, so we made an A-Frame structure for the peas and beans to grow on, and a carrot bed all bordered by sunflowers. My brilliant plan was for the A-frame to make a tunnel leading under the plum tree so she and her cousins would have a cool place to hang out in the hot weather. I could just picture it being like a leafy clubhouse stocked with juicy plums and crisp fresh peas. What I hadn't counted on was that by the time the weather warmed up enough for the peas and bean to grow up the poles the tree would be overrun with swarms of cantankerous wasps after those same juicy plums. We couldn't get within 10 feet of the tree for fear of being stung.

Caley, nevertheless, enjoyed her little garden. This year she has decided on sunflowers, chives and pumpkins for her patch. All very far away from any fruit trees.

Added to the list of things I never thought I'd be doing..

2011-05-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

...preparing a sermon.

Oh my.

There's that moment..

2011-04-09T20:46:00.001-07:00

That moment where the hairdresser takes a step back and with her head cocked to the side says "Do you want me too...." Leaving the rest unsaid as she waves her hands vaguely in the air.

"Oh sure. Please" I say, while thinking "yes, yes. anything so I don't walk out of here looking like this."

And she continues to cut, looking less and less satisfied with each snip and lock that falls to the floor.

Thankfully she must have realized that we were getting dangerously close to "bald" and stopped.

On the plus side, I'm thinking that I would have made a not so bad looking boy.

On the down side....I really, really look like a boy.

~ Sigh

Choice

2011-03-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

Today, instead of focusing on all the little things that are going wrong; the little things that normally have the power to completely undo me, today I'm focusing on the positive. Which includes these two little camera hams.

Ham #1

Ham #2

I've heard it said so many times, that you know you are on the right path when everything starts falling apart.

On Monday we have our (hopefully) last homestudy meeting. All our homestudy paperwork, excepting the one form from Alberta (a whole 'nother story) is either sent away or done. We are just waiting on our HIV test results, which take 3-4 weeks, to complete our physicals AND we finally got through the hundreds of pages of educational material.

Adoption wise things are going great.

Everything else?? Well.......let's see.

- My two year old is in the running for most challenging child of the millennium. Every waking moment of the day is spent either whining, crying, trantruming, breaking something, or whining, crying, and tantruming because I won't give him the something he wants to break.

-A person close to me, who I normally would consider a close friend, is lashing out at me and my parenting choices. Unfortunately I'm related to this person by marriage and she is the Queen Bee of the family so things are....interesting.

-My house is falling apart. Not really, but with so many little things breaking and leaking and "oh crap is that water coming in the living room ceiling?" it sure feels like it.

-My normally very even-tempered, easy going husband is irritable!? I don't know if he's just extra tired from work or if it's because the Dr. told him he has high blood pressure so he's trying to give up coffee. Since he's put up with years of my cranky moods, I'm cutting him some slack.

~
~

-There has been a complication with our homeschool funding which, if not resolved, would mean that we would be out $400 in funding. I've been paying for lessons and materials out of pocket since Christmas hoping that the issue would be resolved.

- I hurt my back

- Caley has always been a child with high attachment needs. She had been moving past this, but has regressed in the last few weeks. Which means that she is constantly hanging off me, trying to climb me and generally not helping my sore back.

-She is also missing her two best friends, the daughters of the "friend" who is lashing out at me. This makes me feel like crap.

Just little things. Many, many little things. It's a good thing I don't have to be strong enough to deal with it all. It's sure a good thing we've got Someone in our corner.

Otherwise, I'd go nuts!

Whispers and Dreams

2011-03-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

Praising God for good news out of Ethiopia!

Hopefully now they will receive the support and help that they need to ensure that there is no exploitation of birth parents or children in the adoption process without closing the program.

Since I was a child, I have had the image in my mind of parenting an African child. When Brad and I were married, we joked that I would have to give up that dream, unless our mailman turned out to be black. It was all very light hearted and then, when we started the adoption process, it was something that stuck in my mind.

Obviously right now, we are not pursuing an African adoption, but the image is still there. Like the whisper of a promise.

Before we ever conceived a child, we know we would some day have a son named Matthew. When our first was a girl, we were thrilled, but still convinced that someday, there would be a Matthew.

It is the same feeling. Just as our family wasn't complete without our Matthew, there is a spot waiting for another little boy with big brown eyes and chocolate skin. In God's prefect time.

Everyone needs a little corner of the world

2011-03-10T00:37:00.000-08:00

I sometimes lay awake at night fantasizing about putting an addition on the house with a master bedroom and a sun-room/homeschooling room. It would have windows all along one wall and bookshelves along another and a door leading out into the backyard for the days when you just can't stand to be inside 4 walls.

Then I'm usually beset by guilt thinking about the millions of people in the world who lack a house completely and how I should be so very grateful for what we have. Until the guilt though, it's a fun daydream.

Since an addition to our house is quite unlikely, I've been trying to find ways to create homeschool spaces within what we have.

This is a look at the corner of the kitchen by the back door

I covered a magnetic cork board and a wooden board with fabric to display art work. The wooden board has 4 screws with clips to hang bigger/bulky items.

The front forward bookshelf was my first ever Ebay purchase and holds the kids library books, books on the subjects we are covering and some books I think Caley might find interesting.

I quite often find one or both of the kids hanging out in this corner thumbing through books (or strewing them about on the floor, depending on his mood)

Homeschooling is great!

Inhale

2011-02-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling contemplative tonight. Wondering, how did I get here, to this point? Tracing the path back, sensing God's hands, his fingers in a way that is made clear in hindsight.

I follow it back, back, back, until, bump, April 20, 2009.

The very best and the very worst day of my life and I wonder, wonder, was that God's plan? When we were blessed to conceive after pouring out my heart to the Father, yearning, praying, for another child. Was it a plan that was set in motion in that moment?

Or was it all the result of a series of unfortunate circumstances? A hidden genetic problem coupled with a large baby and a very (very) long labour? Chance or divine plan? and does it matter? If it was God's plan, all of it, even if I had died. Would it make Him any less worthy of praise?

No.

No, my God is great and most worthy of praise.

Medically speaking, I should have died that day. I know for sure because it seems that every one of the hospital staff felt compelled to tell me, over and over, doctors and nurses, in wondering, bewildered voices. Until I felt like shouting, "hey, can't you see how much you are freaking me out here?"

A few even said the word....

"miracle"

I should have died, yet I lived. Why can't I claim that word? Why can't I claim what my God did for me? I'm alive to hold my babies everyday. To feel the warmth of a loving man. But instead of shouting from the roof top that He saved me, led me through the valley, I shrug it off uncomfortably. Change the subject, moving on people.

Because....

It wasn't what I was expecting. I expected God to protect me from suffering, not lead me to it. Not use my pain for His gain, for His glory. I had expectations in my mind of how things would be, of how HE would be. It was a false image of God, but it still hurt when the image was torn away. It hurts still.

But then, if my expectations had been met, where would we be? Planning another pregnancy instead of adoption. Less grateful for every small moment. Still blind to the sufferings of millions of children in the world. Not on this path at all

Though I would still be physically intact, losing part of myself has resulted in a wholeness that defies blood and bone. That's where I find God. Not that he would inflict pain, but that he would allow suffering that leads, ultimately to Him.

"For I know the thoughts I have towards you......to give you hope and a future"

Nights like tonight, when the memories haunt and sting, I'm holding on the promises of God, hope and a future. Hope and a future. We're all going to be alright.

Exhale.

No Words Required

2011-01-26T20:41:00.001-08:00

The disguise

Reality

Love my boy!

ghosts in the basement

2011-01-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

I was waist deep into rubbermaid chaos in the (soon to be spectacularly tidy) storage room tonight when I stumbles upon 2 boxes of my old things that I had tucked away in the corner.

There was my old Brownie uniform, baby shoes, plaques and awards.....and all of my old journals.

I can very clearly remember the first time I ever wrote in one of those hard backed books. I don't think they even sell them anymore but each one was the same; different coloured covers, small, full of just the right number of lined pages. I would tremble with excitement when starting a new one, starry-eyed thinking of what events and magics the pages would eventually contain (it always ended up being poorly spelled, over dramatised dribble...but I was a dreamer).

I remember the rustle of the fall leaves and the smell of the yard fire that my Dad was tending nearby. It was one of those crisp days, falling into early dark, where the air seems to fill your lungs with energy and imagination. I was thirteen years old and had just read Emily of New Moon by L.M. Montgomery. Inspired by her story I decided to try my hand at keeping a journal. I fell in love with it that night. With wrestling thoughts and emotions into words and recording them. With trying to grasp that thing that always seems to be just out of reach, like a strand of music that is just to far away to be heard.

My Book of Thoughts, as I called each one, was the only ear that every heard many of my childhood and adolescent thoughts. In a home that was filled with explosive emotion and drama, where feeling were often used as weapons, it was my safe place to express all the things that I had to keep inside myself the rest of the time. Life's dramas and gossip I kept in the real world, my books were places for thoughts, faith and really, really bad poetry (really bad).

There are 13 books in that box, spanning 12 years of my life. I stopped keeping a journal shortly after Caley was born. Just one of the pieces of myself that was lost when I morphed into the creature called "Mom".

I tried to read some of them tonight, opening to random places and years. A moment waiting for my parents to come back from Russia, telling Eli I couldn't marry him, thanking God for finding Eli, hiking trips and mountains climbed, telling Brad I loved him, the deep loneliness of living in Edmonton, the day my Nana died, sneaking back into the room after everyone had left and kissing her goodbye....so many memories.

I am surprised by how raw I am feeling now. There is so much pain, hope, joy, despair and grief on those pages. I had to put the lid back on the box.

The second box contained the few things of my paternal grandmothers that I was able to salvage after the crawlspace in our last house flooded. A few letters of encouragement she had written me (why, oh why didn't I write her more often?), her favorite picture of me hanging from a tree, cards and crafts she lovingly saved despite their very hideousness. The crafts are wrapped in old linen from her house. I honestly don't remember what she ever used the little scraps of fabric for. Wonderful little scraps of white, they still, after all this time, moves and floods, they still smell like her. They smell like the most wonderful, eccentric, strong woman in the world. I breathed it in deep, and it smelled like love.

I can finally cross off "kiss a boy"

2011-01-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

Making New Years Resolutions always reminds me of when I was 16, spending New Years Eve with my best friend Serina. Writing with purple jell pens all our impossible dreams for the coming year. Giggling over the ones like "kiss a boy" or "get cutie to notice me".

For the past couple of years I haven't made any resolutions. Mostly because once I get thinking of things that I would like to change about myself it becomes impossible to stop. And really, who wants to start the New Year all depressed and inadequate feeling?

This year though, I'm going to pick up my jell pens again, well, keyboard anyways. Lately I've been feeling as though I've gone a bit off track in some areas of life. Like I'm driving on the gravel shoulder of the road, instead of the middle of the lane. It's hard to keep from veering off course when you're not on the pavement.

So here goes, ahem:

1. Limit computer time to 1 hour per day.
There was a time when I only opened my laptop every few days and then was done in 20 minutes. Now I plop my tired behind down as soon as the kids go to bed and look up to find it's midnight and nothing has been accomplished.

2. Go to bed earlier. By 11pm at least.
Not a problem if I stay off the computer at night. Hopefully this will equate to getting up earlier too but I am unwilling to go to the level of commitment of resolving to drag my ass out of bed before 8am.

3. Loose the 10 pounds I've gained since October.
I'm not too worked up about this but it sure would be nice for my clothes to all fit again. I'm getting a tad tired of yoga pants everyday.

4. Seriously purge the house.
I hate clutter in the house and nothing lingers long if it's not being used. But I need to go through all of the storage bins, decided what kid's stuff we are keeping and get rid of the rest!

5. Finish all the small home reno projects I've started.
'nuff said.

6. Get the kids outside more.
With the months of endless rain I've been taking the easy road and staying inside with them but they are outside kids! They both love to be outside and I'm feeling guilty about trying to convince them that they don't want to go out and then going out myself as soon as Matthew is napping.

7. No picking of biting!
Embarrassing as it is to admit, I have a bad habit of picking my face and biting my nails. I've gotten a bit better about the nails...but it needs to stop. Sigh...I think this has been on every resolution list I've ever written.

8. Start scrapbooking again.

9. Talk more about faith issues with Caley.
Recent events have revealed to me that our "show by example" model is not having the desired results.

10. Live in the moment.
Our lives are just compilations of all the little moments. I haven't been making the most of the moments and I've been feeling and see the result; a general blah-ness about life.

Information overload?

2010-12-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

Look what came in the mail this week. This binder contains our homestudy paperwork and education component. It is one thick binder.

Now we are just waiting to hear from the social worker to set a date for our first home study visit. Probably in the New Year now that we are so close to the holidays.

and we are away...

2010-12-05T19:54:00.000-08:00

I got confirmation on Friday that our application to adopt had been recieved.

We're off.

I'm going to be ripped

2010-12-05T19:36:00.000-08:00

Back in the day (ahem, let's not talk about how far back okay?), before kids, working crazy hours and life got in the way, I used to really enjoy weight training. I loved the challenge, the mental effort involved and seeing myself getting stronger each week. 45 minutes in the gym, 5 days a week will do that. One of the first things I learned was what was actually occurring in the muscles. How the fibers were forming small tears as I worked, which when healed, made the muscle bigger and stronger.

The heart is a muscle too. You see, a while back God began breaking my heart. Just a bit at a time, as he opened my eyes and allowed me to begin to see through his. Sometimes it's a photo, a statistic or a verse that does me in.

As I sat broken hearted last night, I asked him why.

"Why? Why are you doing this, LORD? What good does this pain serve anyone?"

And then I remembered how muscle is built, one small break at a time.

Like the Grinch with his Grinch feet deep in the snow, who stood puzzling and puzzling. How could it be so, God's growing hearts in sizes.

Apparently I'm a needless worrier

2010-10-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Well, that was ridiculously easy. Get references done-check.

Awkward is my middle name

2010-10-10T22:43:00.000-07:00

All sorts of social interactions make me nervous. I know without a doubt that when social graces were being handed out, I was either busy tripping over my shoelaces or standing the corner engrossed in a mental debate over the best way to ask someone if I could borrow their pencil. I love people. All sorts of people. I find the diversity of experience and personality fascinating. I just don't really know how to interact with anyone over the age of 10. The more I try to play it cool the worse it gets.
"Eye-contact. Make eye-contact. Wait! How much is too much? Is this good eye-contact, or I'm a creepy stare into your eyes person eye-contact. Nod, nod, I agree. Oh crap, I think I must look like a stupid bobble-head doll." etcerta, etcetra.
Or the best "Oh crap, did that just come out of my mouth?" moments.

Over the years, I've learned to laugh at myself for my social awkwardness and at least partially accept that I will never ever, on this planet, be the life of the party (or meeting, or lunchtime or play date or..)

I've also learned to accept that I tend to get off topic easily. Like now. The point is that we need 5 references for our adoption application. Two family and 3 non-family. 5 people or couples who will be willing to state that we are neither nut-jobs or child abusers. This sounds easy right? Cue the social awkwardness, please. The family choices were easy. Since my mom is a bit of nut-job, although a very lovely one, and we see my other siblings 2-3 times a year tops, my side of the family was out. Thankfully, Brad's parents and sister readily agreed to vouch for our child-rearing deservedness.
Now for the non-family references it was pretty easy to decide who would be the best the use: our pastor and his wife, our closest couple friends (also only couple friends who are still married), and my business partner. Easy....except I have yet to ask a single one. It's kinda the only thing holding us up right now. I mean, I think we're great(ish) parents, but I think some small part of me is worried that they won't. How awkward would that be?
"Actually, I don't think you should adopt because you're screwing up enough kids already." Huh, yeah, that would suck.
And then, is there a social convention for this sort of thing? Can I ask my friend through Facebook? Because this time of year, with 5 plague infested kids between us, I might not see her for months. The hamster on the wheel in my brain goes round, and round, and round and lands on "put on your big girl panties and do it already." Which is what I'll just have to do, bobble-headed, staring eyed and all.

scraped spiritual knees

2010-07-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

"When learning to walk sometimes you fall."

One Less safe spot

2010-07-08T23:32:00.001-07:00

Oh boy, look what I learned how to do this weekend.

First step, make sure Mommy isn't looking....pull out kitchen chair

Using only the friction of your hands and a single toe hold....

...up I go...

...aha the table, where all the good stuff has been hiding all my life...

..like Mommy's Bible and these shiny, shiny things...

success! Today the table, tomorrow the world.

Why is Mommy banging her head against the wall?

(This was only cute the first time. Short of removing all the chairs I can't think of a way to keep him off the table.)

A Good Catch

2010-06-23T00:05:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago today, this man pledged to be my partner, my team-mate through all life's ups and downs. He is a terrific father, and though the art of loading a dishwasher may be lost on him, he makes me the luckiest woman alive.

( I think he might have learned a few of his tricks from this guy here)

She can count

2010-06-12T23:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in the car Caley was listing all the names of all of her dolls. "I have five babies" she told me "that's a lot for one Mommy." After I had agreed with her, she continued "and you have three babies." "Really?" I asked, thinking perhaps she was including her Daddy in the count. "Yes." she said solemnly "You have me 'n Matthew 'n my Baby Sister."

Oh, the faith of a child!

Example B

2010-06-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not always the best mom. Some days I'm tired (heck exhausted), my tongue is sharper, and instead of engaging the kids in educational activities, I focus on just making it through the day. As much as I would like for my kids to be only influenced by the good days I know that they are always watching, soaking it up, being lead by my example. Holy crap what a scary thought. Who decided that I was a good example for anyone?
It worries me, quite frankly. Because this is so important to me, I want to get it right (umm, yeah, okay, I'm working on the perfectionist thing). Tonight as I was walking through the kitchen, I saw this.
Her little wee loaf nestled up close to mine, and for a moment I decided to cut myself some slack. Maybe she'll remember me as a controlling health nut who over reacted over store bought crap, oh I mean, food. But chances are just as good that she'll remember spending time together in the kitchen, the feel of the firm dough beneath her hands and the satisfaction of making something good from nothing. Maybe she'll remember how sometimes it's worth making sacrifices, like taking the time to bake bread every week, if you believe it's important for your family. Maybe she'll follow my examples and maybe not, but without a doubt, knowing that she and her brother are watching inspires me to be a better person everyday.

Increasing Lightness

2010-05-13T23:07:00.001-07:00

Like the burning off of an early morning fog, when the sun begins to pierce the mist, lightening the shadows and clearing perception, I am slowly emerging from the exhaustion of the last 2 weeks. Truth be told it was more than fatigue that had me feeling like I was living in a dark tunnel of self recrimination, unmet expectations, and lowered tolerances. If I were being totally honest I might admit to moments where I wondered if perhaps there was something bigger afoot. Moment where I thought I spied the foreboding shadow of depression around, settling on me, making a home in my heart and in my mind.

Now I am waking up again to all the little joys and blessings in my life. I didn't really realize how bad I had been feeling until today, when I realized that I hadn't take out my camera in two weeks. Two weeks without taking a picture! Now, I am by no means an accomplished photographer, but I get a lot of pleasure out of capturing our little life on "film" and am rarely without a camera pressed to my eye. Today while Caley was at school, I dusted the old flash box off and watched through the lens as Matthew explored the first real summery day we have had this year.

He watched enraptured as Tristen and Trevor climbed the pine tree in the loop. I could almost see him trying to figure out how to get up there himself.

Inevitably though, combining a newly walking toddler with shorts resulted in tears and mishaps. My poor little guy got his first skinned knees on the front patio. I have the feeling that it is just the first of many such injuries.

I am enjoying the break from too many commitments and the general lightening of the world around me. Perhaps some day I will get to a place where I am no longer vulnerable to the crushing dark. Perhaps some day I will be better able to hang on to the God of light and his promises, even in the shadowy places.

I wonder if she can learn to tap dance?

2010-05-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

We had a chance to go see the always cheerful, and talented Shawna last weekend and participate in a promotional kids photo contest.

Timing it for right around nap time...not the best move, but Shawna managed to get some shots I love.

The Boo won us a free on location photo session... One small step towards my dream of some day being supported in a life of luxury by my children (leave me my dreams)

A moment

2010-04-25T23:25:00.001-07:00

Tonight I laced up my running shoes and pounded my worries into the pavement for the first time in more months than I'd like to admit. It was one of those runs where the stars aligned just right. The air was the perfect temperature, not too hot, not too cold and my body did just what I wanted it to. It was the kind of run I hope for every time I head out but seldom achieve.

As I was running up the steep hill before our road, and admittedly feeling pretty impressed with myself, it suddenly hit me. This time last year I was just being transferred from the ICU down to the maternity ward. The ward where the mat. nurses watched me with nervous eyes, begging me to take it easy, just stay in bed for God's sake we'll bring you whatever you want. They were so unsettled by my experience that they refused to remove my last IV line until moments before I boarded the elevator to leave, unwilling to trust that the miracle would take, worried that I would suddenly collapse in front of them, that death would claim me after all. One year ago....

In the last year I have experienced joy and heartache. I have laughed and loved my family and I have visited the depths of grief. Some days I feel as though I am lost in the monotony of the daily existence. The endless demands of the kids, the same chores over and over. In that moment, while running I no longer felt lost, I felt alive! Like I was really living.

Exhilaration flooded as I pushed myself faster and then faster until I couldn't speed up any more. I felt my muscles burn, mylungs heave, and my heart soar.

I am alive. I just need to remember it more often.

and experience it he did

2010-04-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

Spring weather on the west (wet) coast is really hit or miss. One moment it will be a beautiful sunny day and then before you know it, the wind picks up, dark clouds move in, and it rains torrentially for 3 days. So you've just got to make hay while the sun shines, or head to the beach when the sun shines in our case, which is just what we did.

It was warm and sunny and we had the whole expanse of sandy shore to ourselves. This is probably the first beach trip that Matthew has been old enough to really experience

We ran down the beach....

found beautiful shells.....

got our hands sandy...which is happiness in my book.

When Matthew started making his way to the surf I wasn't too worried about it. After all it may have been a warm spring day, but the ocean is April is frigid anyway you look at it. I thought he would just feel the water and head for a better, warmer playing ground.

Or not!

He crawled right into the water with a huge smile on his face. He splashed around, ate seaweed and sticks and generally enjoyed the large, albeit cool, bathtub until the rapidly incoming tide forced us to make a quick retreat up the beach.

I guess he just decided that he was ready for his salt water baptism.

Let it soak into your veins little guy, let it soak in. Once it does a part of your heart will be tied to it forever, wherever you go, you'll always be a coastal child.

Do you?

2010-04-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me,
Way beyond the Blue.

I've got a home in Glory Land that outshines the sun,
I've got a home in Glory Land that outshines the sun,
I've got a home in Glory Land that outshines the sun,
Way beyond the Blue.

Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me,
Way beyond the Blue.

I took Jesus as My Savior, you take Him too,
I took Jesus as My Savior, you take Him too,
I took Jesus as My Savior, you take Him too,
While He's still calling you.

Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me,
Way beyond the Blue.

Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me.
Do Lord, Oh, do Lord, do remember me,
Way beyond the Blue.

Sometimes I wonder if he does....

Only 4 more days...

2010-03-31T00:09:00.001-07:00

..till Easter.

These are the little lovies The Boo and I made to live on the kitchen table.

The chocolate is coming...

The real reason I had children

2010-03-30T23:39:00.001-07:00

When I was 16 I broke my ankle in three places sliding into home base at a softball practise. (ouch) It healed up pretty well, the only lingering consequence is that I can't wear shoes without good, sturdy support without immediate, deep, achy pain.. I know there are a lot of women out there who suffer untold agonies for fashion, but I will never be one of them. Call me a wimp, whatever. The point is, I am a wimp who can only wear running shoes or hiking boots, expensive ones. The cheap ones just don't cut it with my tyrannical foot joint. Why does this matter? It means that until 5 years ago, I was a woman with an unsatisfied shoe fetish. I could only stare through the glass window at all the beautiful shoes or run a finger down a row of heeled, shiny beautiful foot adorners. But then, my first child was born and hallelujah, bring on the shoes!

These sweet little things are the current residents of Monkey-Child's shoe bin. (Not photographed are the 4 pairs of boots in the mudroom)

Four little pairs of size 3 shoes make me so happy.

Now, if I could only convince him to keep them on his feet.

Coming up with titles is going to be the hardest part

2010-03-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

I downloaded my camera card tonight with the photographic evidence of the last two days in the Beaton household. I feel like I've rarely gotten to sit down in the last 48 hours what with house projects and craft projects and a cranky, nonsleeping teething 11 month old.

I'm trying hard to do more craft type projects with The Boo since she enjoys them so much. Here she is, hard at work on her Easter egg tree.

Monkey -Child has just learned how to open drawers and cupboards. Yahh for him, sucks for me. So yesterday I pulled out the trusty power drill and installed child-proof latches in the kitchen and bathroom. Monkey -Child had a great time emptying out every cabinet as I worked on it. Now it's time to sit back and snicker as Brad repeatedly attempts to open the cupboards, forgetting about the latches every. single. time. Hey, it should slow down his foraging through the kitchen complaining about the lack of good (chemical laden, fat oozing, man-made) food in the house. Bonus.

I think that I am in love with Babylegs. Seriously have you ever seen anything cuter than this? It is taking all of my self control not to order up a dozen more in all different colours and patterns.

Hello. Hi. Whatcha doing Mama? Look at the baby. Look at me. At me. Right here. What if I get closer? There can't miss me. Hello. Hi. Whatcha doing Mama?

Being alone with the kids so much, there are almost no pictures of us together, so today I tried out the self-timer on my new camera. Unfortunately the warning sound scared the living crap out of Monkey -Child. This is the only picture where he doesn't look totally traumatized.

Okay, so he looks slightly traumatized, I swear this was the best one of the bunch.

I finished the fabric covered bulletin board and drawing hanger board today. This corner is going to for The Boo to put up her completed homeschool projects and art work. I made another one of the covered bulletin boards for beside the table as well.

I also made homemade mozzarella cheese for the first time last night. It turned out not too bad if I can say so myself.

I also tried the homemade granola bar recipe again and they were much better this time. I used Craisons and chocolate chips and I think that they are tastier than the Kashi ones from the store. But Brad says the Kashi ones are like chewing cardboard anyways. It nice to have a low standard to work up from.

What was I thinking

2010-03-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

You know, there was a time when I would fantisize about the little climber babies I was going have. My children were surely going to cut their teeth on carabeaners and navigate the house like little chimps with their feet rarely touching the floor.

Obviously this was before I had children. Now, I would appreciate it very much if he would just keep himself on the ground.

Please Buddy?