Walking The Beaton Path

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Hamster in the Wheel

                I had hoped to post the photo of the kids holding up our completed dossier, ready to send two weeks ago. I cannot explain the relief that accompanied having all that paper work finished. Compiling a dossier is brutal on a procrastinator like myself. Lots of annoying finicky stuff and no actual deadline = not a good situation.

                So imagine my frustration when a week after sending it I find out that all of our references have to be redone.

Q-Why couldn't this have happened 2 months ago when we learned we would have to have our home study updated??

A- I'd like to know too but I'm not sure yet that I can phone the agency and be nice about it.

           I just keep picturing a hamster in it's cage running for all it's worth in the spinner. Working hard and going nowhere. And spending hords of money along the way.

                   I'm very concerned that by the time the references are updated our medicals will have expired as well. Last time it took 3 months to get our HIV test results (thankfully we were very sure of the outcome).
Please pray that we finally get off this wheel and onto the road to our baby!.

Friday, July 27, 2012

My son

My son

My boy

This child we prayed for two years to conceive. Our hearts groaning to the Father in supplication

"Please"

Who's birth story includes words like "catastrophic", "induced coma".....and "miracle"

....also, hysterectomy, loss, grief.

Matthew. The name means Gift From God

And you are.

You are!

Even when I'm so lost to the chaos that I can't see it

You accept nothing without a fight, from the moment your eyes open in the morning

Till the moment, with tears in both of our eyes, that you finally succumb to sleep at night.

You sass-back

You spit in my face when I correct you

You scream endlessly and break almost everything you touch

And then you go looking in cupboards for more..

You pull my hair and tell me no

And I don't always choose grace.

I don't always (often) find the strength to be patient, to speak love.

I scream

I say hurtful things

And I cry

Becausee you deserve for me to be better, to be more.

And when I'm feeling like we are drowning in my inadequacy

Overcome by your spirit

I see your little hands fold in prayer

And a small voice asks "Where did he learn?"

........

I am not enough to temper the storms of your heart my son.

But HE is

And when I focus on the behavior,

when I let the raised eyebrows get to me, when I let myself think of all the

things you shouldn't be.

I forget

I forget that you are not mine.

You are HIS

And my job, my privilege is to pour myself out

Everyday

To bring your heart to HIS

So He can do a great work.

................

Later, I lay in bed with you and breathe in the scent of your hair

Still a baby smell despite your strong, lean limbs

Murmur comforting words as you writhe and whimper in pain.

Your body growing so fast that it stretches and strains, pulls bone and tissue

I adjust the hot pad and wish that I could take the pain away from you

But that is not the way of the world

We hurt

And growth is painful

and often not pretty

As your breathing evens out I pray for more grace, more strength.

And I'm grateful

For you

My son.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Today's Food for Thought

“What if God’s will for our life is found wherever someone’s need and our ability intersect?”

Saturday, June 9, 2012

D.O.N.E.

Dear Lord, I've been told all my life that you never give a person more than they can handle. I'd like to humbly suggest that you might have me confused with someone else. :0)

Monday, June 4, 2012

To The Fair We Go

The churches in area get together every Spring to put on a MCC Fair at the local community hall.

We eat treats, fill up on traditional Mennonite cooking (including the most amazing cottage cheese perogies ever!), play games and support a great cause. All the money raised goes to Mennonite Central Committee to support disaster relief and projects for the needy. In real "loaves and fishes" fashion our little fair raises between $15-$20,000 every year.